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BB- BeautifulBorderline

Stress - Depression | January 30, 2021
I have successfully built a habit of folding my blanket, cleaning my room and gardening. Small achievement. Don't know why I feel happy but I do. It took months of therapy to reach here from deadly episodes of depression and I still get them sometimes but now they don't last so long. My therapist says they see some reason or strength and that I managed to survive some adversity( days of starvation ) so I have some strength to get better. I don't know what is in the end, bad or good but for someone like me who has spent most of the days of past 5 years inside the house with depression and an amazingly painful disorder like BPD feels amazing when something like this is achieved. Its nothing for the people who function normally but its an achievement for me. For those who have lost hope. Please don't because if you believe you can try you will try endlessly till you get better. Don't lose hope. If you feel you have been through worst even then you have hope. I don't know what is going to happen to me and I still dread the days of my menstrual depression but I do believe and have faith that I will have as intensely good days too and I don't want to give up on this belief. Brief history: I have severe depression and bpd for past 11 years of my life. I am 26 now. 16 days of admission for suicidal depression. Skin excoriation disorder that just seems to help me with anxiety but leaves hideous marks on my body. Multiple medical issues- Hypertensive from childhood, History of a seizure, Prolapsed discs (frequent emergencies for this too), Crossed BMI of 40 and I was suggested surgery , Mind blowing migraines, Sensitive to sound and live in a area of constant noise of airplanes, And Sone pe Sohaga Depression but I don't negate the fact that I have had some amazing moments in my life including the feeling being loved and feeling love for people. Life is super bad and crazy for me sometimes. But I don't feel like not trying more.
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BB- BeautifulBorderline
June 20, 2021 0 0

Hey Lovely Souls just saw your replies. Thankyou Jagjit, Sruthikeerthy, Ishita for appreciating a complete stranger..means a lot. I read your articles regularly. You guys are doing good work.

 

John- I think I am entering 90 years race with you in few months..haha. You have been a patient therapist. Sometimes its so unbelievable when someone says and gives example of a car that take time to reach 60(i forgot ghe number haha) but runs  faster beyond a point(you said it more technically) that we almost feel like not talking to them because its something feels so strange when we are feeling low but I think I believe Atomically 1%  more that this is true. Only someone who has done this knows this and you have...keep spreading this to people like me John. And for those like me who believe its impossible to become active and actually even brush teeth then I think 1% rule or lets say 5 or 10 whichever suits them and being patient like the car with a dramatic engine will work I suppose. I dont know if i will ever stop crying remembering which condition i was in but knowing there is something on the other side makes me feel better and a little sad to have lost so much but its still worth it to live today. I hope the connection I share with you remains this sacred and no matter How much I like this therapy and never wish to leave you, i hope I reach my goal someday and leave and this time It feels I will(I am scared of saying this..fingers crossed..i just crossed my feet fingers I am so lazy haha) Hopeful. May peace prevail in this world

John Victor
May 10, 2021 0 1

Hey, thats so good to know that you're happy doing small little things to start with. If we start a small improvement of 1% in every activity in our daily life, we will bring a quantum change in our lives in some time.

All the best, and keep going...

 

Jagjit Kaur
February 1, 2021 0 1

Hi BB,
Your story is very inspiring. Despite so many difficulties, you continue to seek hope that there is a possibility of improving one's mental health symptoms.

It requires a lot of strength to work persistently in therapy to excel in those little goals we set initially. There could be days/moments when one gives up , yet the dire need to feel better keeps one going.

I wish you all the courage, patience, and hope in your belief towards a more beautiful life ahead.

Sruthikeerthy R
January 31, 2021 0 1

Hello,

Thank you for sharing your story here. It's so great of you that you tried so hard for yourself without losing hope even during those difficult times.. Really felt happy about your achievement and it's not at all small... I'm sure you will achieve many more and do all the things you want in your life. All the best and take care :).

 

 

Ishita Thapliyal
January 31, 2021 0 2

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing your inspiring journey with everyone.

You deserve great appreciation, for it's not easy to achieve that growth while struggling with a painful condition like depression for such a long time.

Many a time, while going through these tough times, it becomes very difficult to put oneself together and move even a step forward and so your achievements are not small at all. You have successfully shown that with consistent efforts and a strong will one can achieve wonders.

Your brave efforts are admirable. 

You have given so much hope and motivation to many out there, by showing the wonders one can do in their life if they make a firm will. 

 

Keep on going strong and am sure you will add on many more achievements in your journey ahead.

Best Wishes and strength to you :)

Take care and

Be Well :)