Verbal Abuse By Parents Can Affect Your Self-Esteem

Are words that powerful? Yes, then as Parents are you aware of how your constant critical putdowns, name-calling, and sarcastic comments may impact your child's sense of worth? It might not appear that important every day when in anger outbursts you end up bashing your child through words like "You are stupid", and "You dumb" but in the long run, the child starts to believe strongly what you say to them and it becomes their reality when they grow up as adults

Verbal Abuse is humiliating the child with inappropriate words, body language, and harsh tone that is derogatory, making the child feel he/she is not worthy of love, or respect and does not have the talent or capability to do things by themselves

Verbal abuse is more dangerous than other forms of abuse because it happens continuously for years and goes unrecognized by both the parent and child. Also, research has found that even when one parent appreciates children, shows warmth, and uses words with care it would not heal the hurt and damage caused due to the insult by another parent who is more critical.

Following are the forms of verbal abuse Parents do

1 Name -Calling, Insulting, and using ridiculing words

2 Indirectly criticizing the child when talking to their spouse

3 Blaming the child- "You're the reason why your brother got hurt"

4 Threatening them of separation "I will send you away to the hostel"

Impact of Verbal Abuse

If you are wondering how can certain few remarks create such a huge impact on a child's self-esteem and worth. The answer is as kids we believe what our parents tell us to be true and since they love us we don't question the authenticity of their comments.

If a stranger comes and tells you're an idiot you might just ignore their comment or might reply back. But when it comes to our own caregivers, and family members we don't want to believe the fact they can be doing wrong to us believing it to be a part of building the parent-child relationship.

Children start to develop this self-hatred because they think they are not lovable or good enough to be worthy of any praise. This can also lead to depression or anxiety later as they develop a weakened ability to process positive feedback from others. While growing up they give up easily when faced with failures. The comments play in their mind like a constant tape recorder "You can't do it, you are so dumb".

Failures become the most dreadful thing for such kids as adults. They try to be perfect in everything they do, plan excessively for any task, procrastinate a lot, and don't try new opportunities and experiences to enhance their learning. 

Some kids also end up struggling to outgrow their own performance no matter how much they achieve 80 %, a good job, etc. never makes them feel good enough. They keep looking for appreciation and validation of their success from outside others, especially parents. Research points out that children who have witnessed frequent verbal mistreatment exhibit higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, bullying of other kids, and social problems than other children.

Lastly, verbal abuse is passed on from generation to generation this means that chances of abusing your own children by bashing them, showing authority, or constantly demeaning or criticizing them may continue unless one recognizes these dysfunctional patterns and decides to stop the generational trauma.

To break this chain the victim (parent and child) needs to heal the childhood trauma of abuse by taking help from a Psychologist and develop a better sense of self and new coping mechanisms to deal with their anger and aggression.

Seek help from a psychologist for family therapy to heal both the parents and children.