Written by Kanishka Agrawal | Reviewed By John Victor | Updated On December 19, 2022
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Hello wonderful people! You might have gone through a couple of articles on this topic talking about the specific exercises, food, and lifestyle changes that can help you with depression. But after trying them, you’ll realize that they are just management tools. They are good for us in general, and in depression, they can help us feel better momentarily but are not the solutions to the core problems.
In this article, we are going to talk about some characteristics and thinking patterns, which are generally present in people who are more prone to depression. These characteristics might be present in all of us in varying intensities but when these become really strong, they cause us a lot of distress and might lead to mental health issues or worsen them.
By identifying and bringing them to our notice, we can start working on them. These patterns are the roots of our distress and if we manage to act on them, our condition shall improve. But no matter how well we understand the points, it can never replace therapy.
However, to have a basic idea and understanding of ourselves, we’ll look up to these perspectives. Once we identify the magnitude of the impact of these thinking patterns and their presence in our everyday targets and activities, then a great deal of trouble shall ease. Let’s try to understand them with examples.
If I complete my syllabus, only then will I write the exam. Otherwise, what is the point of giving an exam when I am not even prepared?
Here, complete preparation seems as bad as no preparation. We either do it the best way or don’t do it at all. These extremes do not let us appreciate the various middle shades in which the entire world exists. We praise the top-notch and consider everybody else a loser. Every incomplete, imperfect, undistinguished work feels like a failure and affects our self-esteem. We shall avoid using extreme words like never, and should. e.g. I will never do this job. I should get into this college. These words put us under extra pressure and don’t let us relax and enjoy our journey!
On our way back from an amazing picnic, we get scolded for something and all our happiness goes away. We focus on that one bad event and forget all the nice things that happened on the trip. This leaves us sad, angry, and upset when we could have actually been happy and rejuvenated from the outing.
I agree this happens naturally to us. We are not doing it consciously but now that we know about it, we can try to recall the happy events preceding the unhappy incident and this conscious effort can leave us with all positive feelings and joy! In the end, we want to be happy right?
While passing by closely, an acquaintance didn’t talk/wave to us and we start thinking that the person doesn’t like us very much and doesn’t want to talk to us and is avoiding us and so we should also try to not talk to him. And 1 or 2 such incidents might end the relationship between the two of us because the other one might not know anything about it. There is a possibility that the person might have not seen us, was in hurry or occupied with something and knows nothing about it, and thus can’t talk it out and the bond is over, for nothing. Deriving meanings from little random incidents by faulty interpretations can magnify our problems. We shall try to depend on concrete evidence and evaluate the situation objectively by also taking points to the contrary into consideration.
We fail an important exam after all our efforts and think that it is entirely our fault and we know nothing. We think that we are not capable of doing anything and will fail in everything we do, ever. After so many efforts we failed in it, so no matter what we do, we’ll always fail.
There are three things happening here-
1) We blame ourselves for everything;
2) We make it generalized that nothing will happen correctly ever; and
3) We apply one incident to all spheres of life.
We shall take the situation for what it actually is but, what we do is, ignore all the other factors in play here, including the level of competition, the disparities in exams, grudges with teachers, health issues, etc. We shall respect our efforts.
We may just be seeing our own shortcomings and that of the people around us. And in the process, we keep gathering points in the favour of this perspective and our beliefs like I am not enough, this person is bad; Keep getting stronger. And nasty neighbors and relatives can play a big role in doing this. But, now that we have identified this, we can choose to be around nice people and try to look at the positives and appreciate the nice things, remember them and make others feel better about it as well. This can leave us with a feeling of contentment and can sweeten the bond as well instead of sourness and frustration.
I understand high targets push us harder to reach more heights. But while doing so, we should not lose track of reality. Our desires should be in congruence with our skills and situations. Any mismatch can lead to failure and is likely to impact our self-esteem adversely. Expectations are the cause of a lot of problems. We shall try to keep them in check. If we celebrate whatever we get, whatever we achieve, we would be a lot happier, which will further motivate us to do better.
We, with the help of people, blame ourselves for so many things that we have to develop deep guilt in our hearts and live with heavy baggage. We need to forgive ourselves and not be overly harsh. Only when we love ourselves can we love others truly. A light heart is very important.
The characteristics mentioned above are commonly known to play a role in causing or aggravating the situation and might be an interesting insight into our very own self. However, we shall understand that Depression can be caused by a number of factors, and thus the treatment plan or the way out is according to the causes, which your Psychiatrist or Psychologist will assess.
