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Anonymous
Family | May 20, 2021
I lived in a joint family, though it was not that happy or loving that was my world of people. I was always around people, never alone. But then we separated, and now I am just in a nuclear family, and it feels alone. Though now we are much happier, satisfied, and physically & mentally healthy, I sometimes miss that feeling of everybody staying together under one roof. We had a huge family drama, fight over property and money, which always followed verbal abuse, but there was never physical abuse. But the last fight that we had, my cousin brother literally tried to press my father’s neck, and there was a small tussle between the two, and according to his father, my uncle, that is fine and acceptable as he is highly frustrated?! I don’t understand how they don’t distinguish between right and wrong and then support & encourage the wrong. That event is not going out of my mind. Many nights that incident keeps on playing in my mind, and whenever I see them, I feel very uncomfortable. How can I move on from this and forgive them? Though I know they shall never ask for it, I want to do it from my end and move on.
Reply
Joshika Sharma
June 13, 2021 0 0

Hi,

I can sense how overwhelming the entire situation must have been, that it is still as vivid as  when it happened, I can only imagine how you must be feeling that the ones you shared your house with, the extended family with whom you share so many childhood memories but one fine day it leads to an event you could not have visualised even in your wildest dreams.

Years of mutual inhabitance does becomes a way of life and a habit as well, where one gets used to the presence of everyone at home, but when one is no longer living in a similar set up, it initially seems like an alien concept as you are not as familiar with the new set up as you were with the old, then nostalgia also kicks in. 

We have no control over others' actions and reactions, so it does become difficult to understand from where are they operating from, and ofcourse it is upsetting.

Forgiveness is for self, for one's inner peace and I believe you have this realisation, but since you find yourself in a spot where it does'nt come easy to forgive your relatives you need to ask yourself:

1. What meaning do their actions hold for you that it is difficult to let go?

2. Once you identify the meaning, what power does it hold?

3. What will help to take away the power that event holds for you?

I hope it helps. Please take care.