Anger Management - When Should You Consider Therapy?

What is anger?

Anger is "an emotional state that ranges in intensity from mild irritation to intense outrage and violence."  Anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. For example, when you get furious, your blood pressure, heart rate, and levels of the hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline all increase. The most interesting thing about anger is that it can be triggered anywhere by anything. 

Anger, when seen from an evolutionary aspect, is a natural, adaptive response to danger that arouses strong, frequently confrontational sentiments and behaviors that enable us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. 

Violence is the reflexive and intuitive manner in which many of us express our anger, but with evolution, laws and societal conventions have imposed boundaries on how far our rage can lead us. For example, you can't physically lash out at every person or thing that frustrates or annoys you, but some of us, or I may say many of us, find it hard to control our anger. 

This article not only talks about what factors drive one angry or can elevate it, but you might also generally hear people say, "I have trouble controlling my anger" or "I lose my temper easily". Hence, we will talk about how to cope with it and when to consider anger management therapy as an option.

Where does this anger come from?

Anger can be contained, then transformed, or directed. When you choose to suppress your anger you can contain it and channel it into more useful activity. but when it fails to find an outlet outside of yourself, it could move inward and can result in sadness or high blood pressure. Anger that goes unspoken can lead to other issues, eg- pathological outbursts of rage, such as passive-aggressive behavior or a persistently angry and cynical mentality. This is where anger management comes in.

Anger management aims to relieve the physiological stimulation that anger creates as well as your emotional feelings. You cannot change, ignore, or get rid of the things or people who irritate you, but you can learn to control your reactions.

What is the scientifically best way to deal with anger?

Everyone has their own rituals to deal with their anger. 

The three major strategies are

1. calm
2. inhibit
3. express. 

The best way to deal with anger is to express it in a confident, non-aggressive manner. The intent to be kept in mind is to express your demands without hurting others.

Do I need anger management?

You may need anger management assistance in learning more effective ways to deal with this emotion if you notice yourself acting in ways that seem terrifying and out of control.

But Why do I lash out easily if it's not the case with others?

Firstly, it is not something occurring 'only' with you. many people have difficulty handling their outrage. Some people are more "hot-headed" than others. some are persistently angry and unhappy but don't express it overtly. People that get upset easily don't necessarily curse and hurl things; they can also withdraw socially or become unwell. Low tolerance for frustration (infuriating if anything seems unfair) is an attribute of those who are quickly enraged.

An underlying factor could be -

1. genetic 
2. physiological
3. Sociocultural 
4. Family history ( chaotic, dysfunctional households )

FUN FACT - According to research, expressing your anger outwardly just serves to fuel more hostility and aggressiveness rather than aiding you or the target of your rage in resolving the conflict.

So what should I do now?

1. Identify what makes you angry 
2. Create coping mechanisms to prevent those triggers from sending you over the brink.

What coping mechanism should I employ?

1. Deep breathing is an explicit relaxation technique that can be used to reduce anger. Think of your "gut" as the source of your breath. Keep Repeating calming verbs like "calm down" or "take it easy". While taking a deep breath, say it aloud to yourself. Try practicing mindfulness.
2.  Angry people become too dramatic and overblown when they're furious and often swear and use robust language to express their feelings. Substitute these ideas with more sensible ones. Tell yourself "I understand that I am unhappy and annoyed but it's not the end of the world. My anger won't help me anyhow". Avoid "This is a terrible thing, and everything is destroyed". 
3. Be cautious- Using words like "never" or "always" give us the impression that our rage is well-founded, and we can't find a solution.

How would I know what makes me angry?

Now sit back and probe the circumstances where you have been detrimentally furious toward others or own yourself and try to pick the possible reason for your behavior from the following list- 

1. Struggle with emotional expression.
2. When requests aren't met then disappointment turns to fury. 
3. Employing anger as a defense against being wounded/upset.
4. To dodge unavoidable challenges in our life 
5. Jumping to assumptions and taking action against them
6. Believe that I'm ethically correct, that any obstruction of my plans is terrible ridicule, and that I shouldn't have to go through this.
7. The immediate environment may feel burdened and resentful of the "trap" as a result of your problems and obligations.
8. You had Let others walk all over you

What do I do in such situations?

1. Keep in mind that becoming bitter would neither solve anything nor would make you feel better
2. Understand how your anger degenerates Logic into irrationality. 
3. The world is "not out to get you," and you are merely going through a challenging time. 
4. Recognize your needs and demands in the situations that get you to go enraged and hostile. 
5. Get rid of the societal presumption that every issue has a solution because when reality hits everything gets way more frustrating. Therefore adopt not to concentrate on finding a solution, but rather on how you approach and deal with the issue.
6. Refrain from criticizing yourself if you don't get an answer immediately away. Don't succumb to unhealthy thinking patterns - All-or-nothing thinking.
7. Slow down and give your words some thought rather than uttering the first thing that comes to mind. Compose yourself before you respond. 
8. Although it's normal to become defensive in the face of criticism, Keeping your composure will help you avoid a bad outcome.
9. Pay attention to the source of the anger. 
10.  Humor can help diffuse anger. Utilize humor to address your difficulties more effectively rather than merely trying to "laugh off" them. (avoid using harsh, sarcastic humor; doing so is merely another harmful way to vent rage)
11.  Ask yourself " things I'm furious over are actually that essential?" 
12. For particular times of the days you know you feel stressed out, make sure you have scheduled "personal time" for yourself

How do I calm myself down?

1. Try shifting the times when you about key issues to prevent disagreements if you talk about things at night.
2. Avoid forcing yourself to look at what irritates you. Shut the door over what makes you angry
3. Finding alternatives to what makes you angry and frustrated daily

Do I need therapy?

Consider anger management therapy-

1. To acquire better-coping strategies 
2. If you believe your anger is truly out of control
3. If your anger is affecting your relationships and other significant aspects of your life. 
4. You wish to alter your thoughts and actions.
5. You want to be in touch with your sentiments and express them

Remember, things will still happen that will irritate you, and occasionally that anger will be justified. You can't get rid of rage, despite your best attempts. 

Learn to be assertive instead of aggressive.

Frustration, suffering, loss, and the erratic behavior of others are inevitable parts of life. You can modify how these occurrences affect you, but you can't change the fact that they do exist.