Happy relationship may lead to loss of individuality

Since the time one was exposed to the idea of a relationship beyond family, with another human being, with no blood or genetic link to, it seemed to have left one amazed and develop a  desire of finding the  ‘perfect one ‘ and be in the ‘ perfect relationship’ one day.

But after the first break up, it became loud and clear that it wasn’t going to be an easy endeavor. But the search and desire of finding love instead of ending get amplified.

After some trials and errors, one reaches the perfect match for the ever desired ‘perfect relationship’.

The Beautiful, romantically dreamy vision of ours comes to the realization, making one feel finally fulfilled and ecstatic. One seems to have found everything at that moment. It may seem like the quest for life is over. No desire seems to be in the foresight. Eventually,  the commitment grows stronger., the trust strengthens, and ‘ reliance ‘ increases.

The long-lasting bliss and joy in a relationship can sometimes overtake one’s individuality and a few years down the line one seems to have forgotten who they were in their past and transform into an absolutely new person, completely oriented to their relationship and its requirements. Their life, happiness, passion, sadness, bliss, efforts, hard work,   are all directed to the relationship. One seems to be content and fulfilled to the extent of completely losing themselves in the relationship. And this is where the road takes an unexpected turn.

How is it a bad thing? Isn’t it a perfect situation? What can be the hiccup in this situation?

The answers to all these questions lie in the fact that a relationship is a mutual partnership of two self-sufficient individuals, coming together by the bond of love and mutual attraction with the aim of helping and supporting each other as a companion in the journey of life. But when one partner becomes the center of attention and focus, it adds a burden of added sensitivities, expectations, acknowledgments, responsibilities, attention giving and meeting the risen bar of the display of their expression of love to the one who has lost themselves in the relationship and has become dependent for their happiness,  joy, desires, contentment, and very existence and if not given adequate attention to, can fuel further misunderstandings, unresolved issues, fights, and commotion within the relationship. Those, who are unable to take this added burden of these existing responsibilities and expectancies may succumb to mistaken routes such as those of external temptations leading to emotional or physical infidelity which ruins their mental and emotional health and steer the relationship to dreadful consequences which may be unwanting intolerable for them. The other partner, on the other hand,  is left deeply hurt and befuddles, in a position where they are unable to fathom, endure, or even accept the ugly reality of their once ‘ perfect ‘ relationship.

In traditional societies, such an identity crisis was seen in those partners who manage the households and children, take care of everyone, and while attempting to be self-less lost their own selves. But in modern times, it has gone much beyond that limited notion.

In the East, the concept of individuality is seemingly very strange and new, due to the prevalent idea of serving society without seeing one’s own interest. While, in western societies, the concept of individuality is a predominant idea and a way of living, where individual interest is acknowledged and supported by law.

Although, the two worlds are seemingly different from one another, when one  delves to the bottom one can clearly see that either concept is superficially understood and practiced. 

The ancient societies of the East proclaimed self-less along with ‘self-actualization’ and striving towards finding the self, popularly known as  ‘ Enlightenment ‘ which would strengthen and complement the efforts of serving self lessly.

On the other hand, the western concept of INDIVIDUALISM arose due to the misuse of power by monarchies and the harm inflicted on common people and so, it endeavored for respect and state acknowledgment of individual rights aiming for an egalitarian society of individuals.

Thus, in either way individualism was for positive realization and respect for the self to empower the self to be able to support the people and societies around them and the world as a whole.

 One must not limit oneself to the relationship and get consumed by them to the extent to even forget their very own existence as independent individuals. Human beings are capable of a lot and the ability to achieve it isn’t limited to a few but is ushered upon all. To gain access to it or turn away from it is one’s own choice.

It can be very clearly understood that individualism is the respect and realization of ourselves through empowering oneself and when applied to relationships, helps them nourish and survive better and thrive in the long term.

Individualism is not limited to one’s professional desires, ambitions, and goals but is rather an interpretation of their very existence as a person. It is instead, self-sufficiency and self-reliance which empowers one to stand strong by themselves and be able to extend the support to their partners and loved ones when in need and instead of being dependent on the most of the time because. 

Hence, Balance just as anywhere else is very important in relationships. And it begins with affixing one’s own position first, before going on to fix others and as a result enhance one’s capabilities to nurture the relationship and be a life long companion to their respective partner and witness the growth and evolution of their relationship with passing time.

In a nutshell,  To be in a romantic, committed relationship can be an experience of a lifetime, but not  Life.