Becoming the love of our life

Is it respect? 

Is it kindness? 

Is it selfishness? 

Similar other questions popped into my head when I heard the term ‘self-love’ for the first time. Generally, the more we get to know someone, the more there is to know about them, we realize. Self-love is something similar, and so my understanding of it has evolved. To put it simply, ‘Self Love’ is truly knowing and believing that “I am enough.” Period.

As I embark on this journey, I can’t help but wonder how many boxes I’m trying to check in my ideal self’s definition. Or, knowing better, I might tend to resign myself to who I am and carry that consolation prize with apparent pride. But is that what it is? Truly accepting ourselves for who we are is not a compromise. It is empowering. It gives room for learning and growth. People who love themselves are entirely aware and acknowledge all shades of their selves. They hide no parts, neither to themselves nor to others. They express themselves with openness and transparency. A narcissistic person or anybody who doesn’t love themselves might get defensive or hide their flaws and insecurities. And that, my friend, is the difference. Moreover, the more we accept ourselves, the more likely we are to accept others. 

We all want to be treated with affection, unconditionally. Directing that towards ourselves is unconditional positive self-regard. We can either be our friend or foe. “Atmaiva hyaatmano bandhuraatmaiva ripuraatmana,” a phrase from the Bhagavad Gita, captures this. To love ourselves or not, the choice is ours to make; A choice that requires great courage! With self-love, we choose to think, feel, and do healthy and fulfilling things, so it is a way of life.

We all might have felt a wanting deep inside at some point. Only we can fill that void: nothing else and nobody else. And no, it does not mean we have to stop giving and receiving love from others. On the contrary, we are filled with so much love that we become a magnet for so much more. There is no dearth to it, no matter how much we share.

They say that love is a weakness; love is blind. But, romantic or not, one thing is for sure - Self-love is the greatest strength that one can aspire to possess. It is indispensable. It opens our eyes wide. With self-love, there is no room for disappointments.

Self-love is something we create. It’s both the journey and the destination. It’s a skill we all can learn and practice. First, we have to say, “So pick me. Choose me. Love me” (as Meredith Grey put it), to ourselves, of course! 

Let’s believe we are worthy of it. Let’s forgive ourselves. Let’s appreciate ourselves. Let’s be that friend we need encouragement from. Let’s be that partner we need comforting from. Let’s all choose love, choose ourselves!