How to be a mindful LGBTQI+ Ally in difficult times?

   “It’s not normal to be attracted to the same sex.”                   “Homosexuality is a disease.”

         “You need to see a shrink.”                                        “They are just prostitutes or beggars.”

         “It’s just a phase; you’ll get over it.”                                                “Don’t be such a homo.”

         “Gay sex is immoral and a sin.”                                  “You’re gay? But you don’t look gay.”

            Such derogatory statements keep being thrown around daily against sexual minorities. It’s a part of daily conversations, political statements, news reports, religious meetings, celebrity comments, etc. It isn’t just restricted to statements; it affects our actions, leading to a lack of opportunity for those who identify themselves as non-binary individuals. Being denied the right to same-sex marriage, getting a job, proper health care, and even basic housing seems part of the community’s everyday struggles. The demarcation that should be nothing more than a difference prevalent due to biology is now a form of discrimination due to stigma. A stigma that continues to cloud the minds of the majority of the population even after changes in education, awareness, norms, and laws of the society.

            Certainly, many individuals in society are now getting more aware and accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community, but there is a long bridge to cross even then. Several professionals are training themselves to be more competent and sensitive towards the LGBTQI+ community, but I believe it is necessary for every individual. We can’t change our beliefs or take account of the actions of others, but we can ensure as Allies that we provide a safe space for the LGBTQI+ individuals around us.

Things one can do to be mindful Allies:

• The most important is to be empathetic. We will never be able to understand or be in the LGBTQI+ individuals’ shoes regarding the experience, but you can try to understand their emotions. If you can relate to their feelings and convey it to them, you’ve already rendered support. Never assume though, you should always confirm whether what you’ve understood is right.
• Be open to recognizing your own internalized biases and learned concepts that affect your attitudes and actions. Start introspecting and question your privilege. It’s never too late to unlearn.
• When someone ‘comes out to you, give them space to talk freely. There is surely going to be a lot of anxiety they are facing. Do not invalidate their experience. Just listen at first and then acknowledge them for sharing. A simple “Thank you for sharing and trusting me” can go a long way.
• Please do not make them doubt their identity and never judge. Do not say things like “Are you sure?” or “But weren’t you in a heterosexual relationship?”
• You might hesitate to ask about their struggles, but asking is essential. But how you ask is even more critical. Always be sensitive and never derogatory. Remember, they may have never had the opportunity to share before. A simple question like “Is there anything I can do to support you?” can be your first step.
• Do not push them to ‘come out to others. It’s their choice and decision. ‘Coming out of the closet is a challenging and subjective experience. If they decide to share with others, you should indeed support them.
• Not everyone in society will accept the LGBTQIA+ community and may react in unacceptable ways. As an Ally, you should try and make such individuals more aware. More importantly, you should stand by the side of those discriminated against and help them navigate the emotions experienced due to the rejection.
• Keep updating yourself about the changes in the laws happening related to the LGBTQIA+ community. Moreover, it would help if you continued to educate yourself further as it will only increase your sensitivity.
• Stand up against any laws or actions that stigmatize and discriminate against the community. Remember that your efforts are equally important, and they should not intend or cause any harm to others, even if they might disagree with your opinions.
• It’s okay not to know things. If you don’t have the answers to some questions or feel that you cannot help someone with their struggles, connect them with other LGBTQIA+ individuals in the community. In case of any mental health concerns, look out for Queer-Affirmative Therapists in your area and reach out to them.

This is surely not an exhaustive list but some basics to keep in mind to not invalidate anyone’s personal experiences. Most importantly, we should remember that it’s okay to make mistakes. Just be open to accepting and learning about what you could do better.

So, with the Pride month almost at its end, let's promise to be sensitive and mindful, Allies!